JollyLife Coaching

What are we waiting for?

Waiting for things to change. Someone to love or approve of us. Waiting for that promotion, more money. Waiting for that new car, new house, new suburb. These are all external things. Yes even waiting for someone to love or approve of us, hands it all over to someone else.

I wonder why we do this to ourselves. Is it lack of courage to change, to get out of our comfort zone. What would happen if we did one thing we were scared to do? What would that look like and how would it change our perspectives on so many other things. We want to have it “all” but what is “all” to us. Do we ever take the time to examine what “having it all” would look like in our lives.  In my experience, not very often for a lot of people. So, we get stuck in the external stuff, waiting for someone else to give us what we most need to give ourselves.

If we spent as much time on examining what a great life would look like for ourselves as we took going to work, what would change?  Imagine spending that much time making yourself that important to yourself! Wow. What could happen? How would things be different. 

In my experience, we spend alot of time telling people what we do, or what we own, or what suburb we live in.  Fancy having a party where you could only tell people about your..,..Self, nothing to do with the external stuff i.e. What we do for a job. How many kids we have. Where we live. Who we are married to. What family we have come from.

Would there be any conversation at that party if the question was: Who are you, tell me about your.. ..Self.

Why don’t you try it, even in your journal with your ...Self. Or with a best friend who is happy to listen.

What would that be like for you?  Take some time to become aware of who you really are apart from how you spend your time everyday. I would love to hear from anyone who dares to ask themselves the question: who are you? tell me about your.....Self.

 

Core Dynamics Coach Training

For some time I have been looking into Tom Stone (Great Life Technologies) Human Software Engineering and not really understanding fully how it works but still vitally interested in the concept.

Just over a month ago I took the opportunity to go to San Diego and participate in Core Dynamics Coach Training. What a fantastic experience.

For quite some time I have felt that the coaching experience was missing something. It took clients to a point in their lives but there always seemed to be something in the way. Clients were always looking for the answer to whatever problem they had and were looking at outside themselves. i.e. unhappy with work, bad relationships, stuck in a rut, not knowing how to move forward, etc, etc, you have heard or said them all.

Let me give you an analogy: You car isn’t working, it won’t go and you have no idea why? Where do you look when the car is a problem and won’t go. Do you look at the paintwork, the seats, the overall look of the car. Guess some of these things might be a problem like, change a tyre, put some petrol in to the tank. So that will fix it for a while. But when the car just will not go or sounds sluggish, or makes crazy noises. We all know these problems. We can look at the external part of the car and fix some of these things. When we take it to a mechanic, he asks all the questions, i.e. what does it sound like, what noises is it making, etc. etc. Where is the first place he looks, of course, in the engine. The main working part of the car! So he looks inside the car, doesn’t he?

So when clients come to coaching, they get asked all the normal questions, i.e. what’s not working, what noises are you making about your life? Not too unlike taking your car into the mechanic is it? So many times we look outside of ourselves to find the answers, when really they are inside us. In our habits, our conditioning, attitudes, reactions, etc. Where did they all come from? We live our lives and we have experiences. But, how we handle these experiences is what makes up the person we are today. Are they working? Not always. How often do we think I think my life needs to go in for a service? Not often.

Who would we be if we did put our lives in for a service and got rid of some of the conditioning of our previous experiences? Especially the ones that are not working for us.

As I was doing the Core Dynamics Coach Training I realised I had hit gold here. No longer do we need to be tied down to our addictions, habits and conditioning that we thought was working for us, Finally, here was something that worked.

During the training I had the experience of completing an incomplete emotion experience that had been bugging me for years and had influenced so much of my life. Within minutes of experiencing one of the 8 techniques that we were taught, it was out of my life. Finished. Kaput. In fact I couldn’t really remember what I had made all the fuss about! It truly is an amazing feeling to finally be free of something that had such an effect on me. How magnificent! Not a word I use alot but it truly is the only word that explains the feeling. Thank you to Tom and his work, I finally feel like I have come home....to myself that is. Look out for more posts concerning the Core Dynamics Venn Diagram and the eight awareness techniques.

What has been happening over the last few months

Hi again,
Keeping up with the blog is quite hard for me. Between looking after elderly parents, keeping in touch with grownup kids, of course coaching my gorgeous clients (always a joy) and trying to find time to improve my creative skills via my botanical art. Of course their was always that two weeks rest and relaxation that my husband and I had in June. That took up some time all that eating great indonesian food, swimming in the wonderful pool right outside our private villa. Reading lots of books and generally enjoying the wonderful climate in Bali. So as you can see I have had my hands full, well that is my excuse. I was going so well posting every week or nearly every week then life catches you up. Love to hear from some of my regular readers what have you been doing over the last few months.

The above post reminded me so much of the loves in my life gardens, nature, flowers and people. As I look very carefully at the nature that I am trying to create this reminds me so much of people I meet.

As you are drawing then painting a flower or bamboo or whatever it may be so many changes can take place in that specimen all in about half an hour. Once you cut the specimen from its roots it changes, just when you thought you had drawn how you thought that plant was meant to be you look at it again and so much has changed, the perspective you have looked from, the way it draws itself to the light. It droops when there is not enough water given to it. Sometimes we can try to draw nature without giving it the nourishment it needs to continue to thrive.

In my early stages I just wanted to draw and I didn't consider the environment the plant or specimen needed to be in. Needless to say it died before my very eyes and in a very small space of time.

This is not unlike us as people is it? We all need nourishment constantly. When we are cut from our spiritual roots how much do we survive. How much nourishment is needed for us to live our lives to the fullest.  So we are not unlike plants and the nutrition and nourishment that they need to blossom and gives us their best.

Would love to hear some comments from others about the similarities we have with plants.

love Elly

The Top 10 Similarities between helping People to Grow and Growing a Flower Garden

Analogies between the way in which plants and people grow are common. We say that someone is 'blossoming.' A child may be described as 'growing like a weed.' Perhaps the analogies are more than just metaphoric. The skills and qualities needed for growing plants seem to transfer to growing people. Most central of all is the need for patience.

 

1.  Plants need the sun the way people need love.

Some can live with less, some need more, but that's their nature. There is no point in telling them to 'toughen up.' If they need it in order to thrive, then they need it.

2.  Plants thrive in light, people thrive in the knowledge that they matter.

To know that their actions have some effect, that they have some significance to someone, somewhere is food that everyone needs.

3.  Both need to be able to grow and expand.

One constituent of fertilizer is nitrogen, essential for growth. This can be seen as similar to the knowledge and skills with which people's minds and abilities need to be nourished.

4.  Both need to establish themselves and know where they are.

Another part of fertilizer is phosphorus, which helps the plants to develop roots, flowers, and seeds. Just as nitrogen is useless to plants unless they have the roots that enable them to remain grounded and stable, so knowledge and ability are of little use to people unless they can develop the self-confidence needed to use them.

5. Plants need moisture if they are to stand upright. People need  encouragement.

Without moisture, plants cannot lift the nutrients into their cells. They become weak and cannot even stand upright, or they become brittle and break easily. Similarly, people need encouragement, affirmation. Even the most self-confident people eventually lose heart if there is nobody who believes in them. Without that they weaken and cannot hold up their heads in the world, or else they become bitter, cynical, and brittle.

6.  Both need room to grow.

Plants can be smothered by weeds and other growth that crowds in on them. People can be smothered by negativity, pressures, and boundary invaders.

7.  The early days are the most fragile.

When plants are new, having not yet established roots and strength, they need a great deal of tending and protection. People, particularly children, who have not yet learned to set boundaries and to deal with pressure and negativity for themselves also, need to be tended and protected by those around them.

8.  Less tending is needed as time goes by.

Stronger, tougher plants, well-established, can withstand more, so that the gardener can safely give them less time and protection. The same goes for people.

9.  Self-sufficiency comes with time.

These better established plants can even find their own nutrients and moisture, for they have learned to put their roots down deep into their environment, and their branches high to the sun, to seek them. People can also learn to find their own nutriments, to take responsibility for getting their own needs satisfied, create their own affirmations of worth.

10.  It takes time for both plants and people to reach their potential.

Plants take time to grow in beauty, to fulfill the potential given them by their genetic heritage and enabled by their environment. Given the right care and environment, and time, a stringy little sliver of a plant can become a strong, healthy and even useful contributor, a joy to behold. People also.

 

Choice and Consequences

Thanks Kate for your comment on last week's post. So if you were talking to year 10 kids you would want them to know that out of the scarey comes the good, that we have to experience to learn and move forward and our mind is a powerful thing also that we are our life's pilots. All fantastic things for them. to know.

I cast my mind back to when I was in year 10 and I can remember feeling life was coming up too fast. I am not sure what I thought about life up till then, guess as most kids it was just fun and not to be taken too seriously.  I spent most of my spare time playing sport and wasn't really interested in much else. Then all of a sudden getting a full-time job was put before me. Tertiary studies weren't considered important in my family. Working and getting paid were the go.

It seems that year 10 seems to be the transition time from young kid to teenager to teenager having to make choices as they say in the playground whilst playing hide and seek "ready or not".

I would be really interested in any other comments like Kate's that could give me some insight into what you would feel important for year 10's to know.

I look forward to your comments

Have a great week.

Choices and Consequences cont'd

Guess I really didn't explain myself properly in the last post.

I was looking at the choices that these year 10 kids will make and wonder if they realise the consequences.

I thought back to when I was that age and realised I didn't even know the word consequence or indeed what it meant!

I wonder how often we first look at the consequences to some of our choices in this world. Would we make different choices? Do the consequences look good or scarey?

Have fun this week thinking more about choices than you have before.

Choices we make, Consequences we take

Choices and Consequences

As I was walking this week, (this is my once a day love myself routine).  I was mentally going through some work I am about to start doing with young people in the 14-16 age group who are in year ten and wondered what if would be like to be growing up in the last 15 or so years. How different would it was to when I was growing up, some errrr lots of years ago.  These kids in year 10 have to start making choices that could affect the rest of their lives.

What do I want to do with the rest of my life? As I pondered this I realised they are only just past being a kid with not a care in the world. No responsibilities except maybe chores at home. But really just living not thinking about tomorrow or what may come. They are barely old enough to get a part-time job.

Suddenly, they come into year 10 and are asked within the first few weeks of the year what sort of work experience do you want to do? I can imagine myself saying to myself sheesh let me just work out what I am doing at the weekend.  Now you want me to make decisions on work experience. Work experience being the sort of work I may want to do in the future.Then at the end of year 10 suddenly they need to be picking subjects to see whether they want to go into an apprenticeship or go to university or get a full time job.

How often as parents do we empathise with our kids suddenly needing to make huge decisions about their future at such a young age.  How often do we think about sitting down with them and helping them to decide what would they love to do. NOT What we would love them to do. After all it will be their life their living not ours.

How did we feel when adults had too much to say about what they thought was good for us?
How did we react?

Take some time out with your kids and ask them how it feels to be their age?  What are the difficulties?
What could be different for them? Offer them your support without taking over.

Serve any teenagers you know this week. Let them know they are believed in and supported.

BEST LIFE continued

Wow! Really like this focus on creating the best life possible for myself?

The three main words that I keep in my mind when deciding anything for myself are: Will this love, honor and value myself?

Just asking yourself this particular question really brings things into perspective.

Would you continue to live your life the way you are living it if you
a. loved yourself
b. honored yourself
c. valued yourself.

By focussing on those three words love, honor and value, how would your life change?

What changes do you think would happen either straight away. Are these the changes what you have been looking for? And for how long? Nothing has to be instant.

Sometimes changes are better made with baby steps, one small step at a time can lead to huge changes being made.

What small steps can you take this week  to LOVE, HONOR AND VALUE YOURSELF

BEST LIFE

What is the best life possible for you? 

Another question taken directly from Bob Greene's book "The Best Life Diet".

Do you stop long enough even to ponder this question? Or is it all about work, work, work, money, money, money. Maybe your best life isn't about pushing for all these things.

So many times we think we need bigger, better, more of, better than the others etc.

What if we put all the time and effort into creating our best life that we put into our existing life?

How much happier would we be? What would the changes be? Would we be doing exactly what we are doing today and every day of the week?

When was the last time you were truly happy?  Journal about it and see if there are any clues from this time that could give you some directions to giving you the best life possible?

I will be discussing BEST LIFE for the next few weeks so you can coach yourself  as we go along by doing the exercises and realising where you want to make some changes.

Have a BEST LIFE this week!

THE BEST LIFE

I was watching Oprah the other day and she had Bob Greene on her program talking about his program Best Life. What a fantastic title. And I asked myself how could anyone knock back the question.

Do you want a Best Life?

Of course you couldn't say no because then it would be very obvious you truly did want to sabotage your life.

Then of course you could tell yourself you have the best life and of course we do because our lives all the culmination of all our choices.  Have the choices we've made always given us the consequences we thought we would get? Could we have put more thought into these choices?

During the course of a conversation the other day the words - Choices we make, Consequences we take.
And I like the sound of it. But whilst in this same conversation the discussion around consequences came up and we wondered how many times we really look through the consequences of our choices.

So as I was watching this show I realised, choices I had made had not always given me the consequences I was looking for. Which gives me more clarity around the question - Do I have the best life?

Back to the journal I went pondering this question and so many new aspects of how to re-create my best life came up for me. 

Have a go - Ask yourself this question? Do you have the best life?  If you love, honour and value yourself do you have the best life?

Love to hear some discussion with others around the subject of Best Life.