Of course I am, I hear you
say. I thought I was too. Let me tell you about my journey.
I am in the middle of
delving through a book by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, "Change Your Thoughts Change
Your Life on Living the Wisdom of the Tao". As I came across the 13th Verse part of
this verse really struck me:
“Why are favor and disgrace alarming?
Seeking favor is degrading:
Alarming when it is gotten,
Alarming when it is lost.”
I had always heard the
quote: “Other people’s of me are none of my business” which is theory worked
but not always in practice.
As Dr Dyer says in his
dialog: “It’s crucial to remain independent of both positive and negative
opinions of other people.” As I sat
wondering about that I realized as a child if we got a lot of criticism we were
always looking for that elusive approval. In other cases children had been
liberally given approval whether or not they deserved it and so they believed
everything they did was fantastic.
Which case did you have as a
child, the parent with too much approval or the child with too much criticism?
How has that measured in
your life? Are you free to trust your own opinions? Allowing yourself to be
guided by your own inner thoughts in other words the “natural” you. We all have
our own answers deep within. Take the time to find out what they are.
How important is what you
do? How important is what you earn? How important is where you live? Ask
yourselves these questions, how much does that measure who you are as a person?
Even as I write this I am
monitoring my words because I want you to read this and approve of what I am
saying. We get so hooked into other
people’s opinions.
Let me explain:
Every week I go to a
botanical art class and as I had read the 13th verse that day before
going, I realized how much we can rely on other’s opinions. This is a fairly
new environment for me and one I feel quite vulnerable in. As she came closer I
realized I was tightening up within myself, so worried about her opinion. Now
as you don’t know my teacher she is without one of the most gentle and humble
people I have met in a long time. Why would her opinion worry me? Well it did
this day I so wanted her positive opinion that my painting became very stilted.
I was almost too scared to put brush to paper.
As I observed these feelings
I realized how much I relied on what other people’s opinions were all about
whether they were negative or positive. When they were positive I felt elated
and happy. When they were negative the self-doubt that crept in was phenomenal.
Okay, you might think that
was just a little drawing class. Not all that important in the scheme of
things. It is important to me and that is all that counts. So, lets think, how often do we let the
opinions of others affect the things we do in life, whether it be at home or at
work?
As Dr. Dyer says: “If you
gain approval, you’ll become a slave to outside messages of praise – some-one
else’s opinion will be directing your life. If you gain disfavor, you’ll push
even harder to change their minds, and you’ll be directed by forces outside of
yourself. Both outcomes result in the dependent mind dominating, as opposed to
the way of the Tao, in which the independent mind flows freely”
See how directed your life
can be or is by other people’s opinions.
Needless to say I am back on
track just putting a brush on paper with some paint on it.
